COMMUNITY

When I was labelled a special needs mum I did everything I could to avoid other special needs parents. Part of my resistance was denial to my reality and a belief that I could create ‘normalcy’ within a very abnormal situation, and the other part was due to a bad experience that had me perceive all special needs mums as victims who had nothing positive to say about their children. In my avoidance to this unique and very niche group of people I realised over time that I was missing a sense of community.

I didn’t really fit in anywhere. I had my 'uni friends' and my ‘old friends' but many of them were childless and none of them hit the ‘special’ category like I did. My sister was a special needs mum and was a guiding light for me in many ways but she had her own stuff to deal with and we didn’t live in the same city. My daughter didn’t make friends at preschool and couldn’t tolerate being with her cousins because she couldn’t engage with them due to her sensory processing challenges and her inability to see what was happening around her. I often felt isolated in my journey and spent a lot of time alone with Mackenzie.

It goes without saying (but here goes anyway) we’re all so busy. We expect so much of ourselves in this fast paced way of living in over populated cities with too many demands, too many committments, too many options, too many distractions, and too little time. We sleep too little, eat too quickly, want the quickest route to the destination and have literally forgotten to stop and smell the roses. Heck, have we even remembered to plant the seeds? We’re lacking deep and meaningful connections and carry a bag full of guilt when we do, on the very odd occasion, actually take a moment to stop, breathe and say hello to people who mean something to us. It’s easy to say no to gatherings that provide a sense of belonging because there’s always something else to do.

I attended my first Women’s Circle gathering last week one of the mamas said “It takes a village to raise a child, but where is the village?!” Community reminds us there is something much bigger then ourselves and offers a safe space to connect, to feel part of something and to feel like we belong somewhere in the world. We were never meant to do this human thing alone. We thrive in communities that see us, that honour and value our unique qualities. They help us to build relationships, improve social skills, enhance mental health and wellbeing and increases our knowledge and resourcefulness. 

Sharing my journey as a solo special needs mama on social media has allowed me to connect with so many incredible mums who are forging a path to least resistance doing incredible things for their children, families and communities, and who have created a new life, new meaning and new passions because of the needs of their children. There is a deep connection that ties you through a thread of knowing when you embrace a stranger who carries the same label of ‘special’. Instagram has become a ‘special needs mum dating site’ of sorts and many of these social media connections have resulted in a deep sense of belonging and instant best friends for me. I’ve met a tribe I always needed and we hold each other dearly.

We have to create community. We have to build our village. We have to find our tribe. We have to make the time to come together. How? By starting with the things that bring you joy. In connecting with my passions, the things that truly fill me up, I have connected with communities that extend across the planet to lands far away. Through writing groups, teaching yoga and creating my own retreats to support women and mothers to rise above adversity and live a life full of joy, I have found my tribe. And it feels like home.

‘My Tribe’ bathing together in a sacred waterfall gathering during Citta Retreat in Bali, September 2019